


天一天

by baexil



Category: B.A.P
Genre: Disbandment, Future Fic, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Tattoos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2017-05-05
Packaged: 2018-10-20 00:11:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10650981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baexil/pseuds/baexil
Summary: Daehyun stares numbly at the floor. Disbelief nipping at him in a constant painful reminder that this was actually happening. It was finally here.He’s been expecting this for a while now, but it didn't make it any less painful. Didn't stop his heart feel like it was trying to forcibly tear itself from his chest to show the world how broken and bleeding it is."I can't do this anymore," Yongguk confesses first.





	天一天

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [kpopolymfics2017](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/kpopolymfics2017) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  **Day6 – "Letting Go"**  
> [lyrics](https://colorcodedlyrics.com/2016/03/day6-letting-go-noha-noha-noha) | [video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-1TGNmQqZA) | [supplementary](http://if-you-leave.tumblr.com/post/149612638549/iylshowcase-olmo-rodr%C3%ADguez-roces-if-you-leave) [prompts](http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/olymficsmod/37777224/310/310_900.jpg)

Daehyun groans when his phone vibrates. In his half-way state, his phone had slipped under his pillow causing his teeth to practically rattle and him to gasp back into awareness with a start. Unhappy, Daehyun unlocks his phone and immediately regrets the bright light that glares against his vision.

Blinking, he peers at the message he received, blearily he sees it’s from Yongguk in their group message. Thinking it might be an important announcement for the next day schedules, Daehyun opens the message with the intention of quickly reading it and setting his alarm for whatever start time they had for the next day. 

But instead, the text message reads: _After our schedules on Sunday, I’ve requested a week off for personal time. Please take advantage of this time and review the following. As always, feel free to reach out if you need anything. Yongguk._

And there, so innocently sitting right under his message is the contract renewal with TS Entertainment. 

Heart racing against his ribcage, Daehyun closes his phone, leaving him blinking back into the sudden darkness. He lays back against his pillow despite not feeling very tired anymore. Youngjae shifts into his space during the middle of the night, tuned to him even in his sleep, and he wraps his arms around his waist and bring him close to bury his face into the crook of his neck so he doesn’t have to think about anything but the way Youngjae’s skin smells like home. 

  
——  


Their final week of promotions goes by in a blur. Time always seems to do that when something you are not looking forward too looms in the future. 

Of course, none of them talk about it with each other during their schedules, talking about anything but work when they are together- sports, Yongguk’s brother who recently got engaged, Junhong’s foray into the silver screen, and deliberately deflecting pointed questions from their music and variety show hosts. 

“Nothing has been decided yet,” Himchan explains smoothly, “We are working closely with our management company and have the upmost respect for them over the past eight years of our working relationship.” 

Daehyun has to practically bite his tongue every time. Once, when Daehyun is feeling a bit off and snappish when he’s gone a bit too long without proper food, Youngjae has to step on his foot to wipe off the deep frown he sends and MC who tries to dig with a ‘surely you must have some idea by now?’ 

But it’s harder to ignore and pretend everything is fine in the van between schedules or on the way back home, everyone very pointedly looking out of different windows and not touching their cell phones and the contract they have saved on them. 

Not that they need to look at the contract anymore. They’ve gone over it before, together with their management company the first time, second with just the members, looking to have a mutual agreement before seeking out advice from friends, families, and their lawyers. Daehyun, despite being horrible with anything jargon, could probably recite the whole thing backwards on demand if he needed to. 

They were well familiar with the terms, what TS was asking for them, what edits they would ask in returns, but mostly- 

None of them have decided what to do yet. 

Their youngest, Junhong was actually the first one to speak up at that first meeting. 

“I’m considering my options,” he says in that familiar low tone, blinking several times down at his worn converse before blinking back up at Himchan who just nods, obviously not surprised in the least. Their leader, however, stays quiet, leaning back in his chair has he carefully looks at every single one of them, as Himchan chimes in. 

“If we are going to do this again,” he says, voice ringing clearly between them, “If we are going to sign up for another 5 years of this, then we need to all be on the same page and 110% positive.” 

“Consider your options,” Yongguk finally chimes in, “Do what is best for you.” 

That was over four months ago. Daehyun is still undecided despite having so much time to think. But he can barely decide on what to have for dinner, let alone know what is best for him and his precious five band members and what direction he wants the rest of his life to go in. It’s a lot of pressure to get things right with everything that is on the line. 

Yongguk’s deep timbre snaps him back to the present from his internal thoughts, “We are almost back to the practice room,” he says, shifting to turn and look back at all of them, “We will change, clean up, and head back for the night. No practice tonight, just check in with the managers before you head out on your week off.” 

“Remember,” he says, eyes piercing with a seriousness that has always left him in awe of, “Take this time to think. I’ll send out a message on Friday for our plans.” For their meeting on Sunday before they have to sit down with the suits on Monday, everybody knows but unwilling to say it in front of the listening ears of the manger driving the car. 

“Until then, I’m here if you need anything,” Yongguk smiles, “Take care of yourself in the meantime.” 

  
——  


“I feel like we should try it again,” Daehyun confesses to Jongup, chewing on his straw, cap pulled low over his eyes. Jongup has opted for large sunglasses, his hair hidden behind a beanie as they enjoy their regular coffee shop, “We can still pursue out individual interests, they would give Junhong the solo he deserves, I can continue to sing on OSTs, Yongguk can keep producing, and so on.” 

Jongup purses his lips and hums thoughtfully. 

“What?” Daehyun asks, narrowing his eyes and kicking at his shins when he doesn’t answer right away. 

“But-“ Jongup opens his mouth, thinks better of it and closes it again. Daehyun is ready to throw his iced americano at him in impatience before Jongup’s eyes meet his own. “But are you really happy, hyung? Really and truly happy?” 

His first instinct is to bite out a sharp retort, something quick and witty that Jongup will laugh and bicker with him. But Jongup has this serious look in his eye that bares into his soul, makes him think about his answer and be careful of the words that he chooses to say next. 

“Well, I’m not unhappy?” he finally says, shrugging his shoulders when Jongup continues to look at him, almost as if he is searching his eyes for another answer. 

Jongup sips at his drink and says nothing. Somehow, Daehyun feels like he said the wrong thing. 

  
——  


Sweat is pouring down his forehead and down his back in the most unpleasant way and Daehyun is vividly reminded as to why he hates working out. He detests it, often rebelling against the grueling work it takes to maintain the body necessary to be a successful idol. He wishes sometimes that he could be judged on his talent, his singing, rather than his face or how in shape he is in. 

A whisper of a thought cruelly reminds him that he is free to walk away from it all. To eat as much as he wants and exercise as little as he wants if he was to walk away from this all. 

Junhong, on the other hand, is pulling himself up onto a bar over and over, pulling his chin up and over the bar like it’s easy. He always found a sense of peace in working out, in driving his body past its limits whether it was lifting weights, running on the treadmill, or pushing himself at dance. Despite teasing him for being a gym rat, Daehyun was secretly glad Junhong always had some sort of physical release he could escape to when things got hard. He was so young when they started this job and was so hesitant to speak up when things were hard, he needed some place to vent all of his frustrations. 

Their maknae smoothly dismounts from the pull-up bar and quirks a smile at hime where he is running endlessly on the treadmill. 

“Having fun?” he teases lightly as he jumps on the machine next to him, cranking the machine easily up to a high running speed. Daehyun throws him an unimpressed glance and immediately regrets expending the energy to do so. 

“I’m dying,” he gasps, “but I had three pieces of cheesecake for dessert last night so I’m not getting off of this thing for another hour.” 

“Who’s idea was that?” Junhong asks with mirth. 

“Yoo Youngjae,” Daehyun says lowly, almost like he is cursing his name, “He brought it home last night after work. He knows how I eat when I’m stressed out, why would he bring an entire cake home?” 

Junhong falls quiet, breathing in steadily through his nose and releasing through his mouth in an easy rhythm matched to the pounding of his feet on the treadmill. Daehyun finds himself almost self conscious in the silence. He doesn’t have to clarify why he would be stressed out when their renewal constantly hangs over all of them, but Junhong has always been their thoughtful child, taking his time to mull over his sentences before dropping surprising wisdom on them. 

“Maybe he wanted you to feel better,” Junhong finally says, “It must be hard to see someone you love hurting.” 

Daehyun would blush if he wasn’t already flushed from running on the treadmill. 

“You said you are considering your options?” Daehyun asks, obviously changing the topic as he slows down his machine. 

“Yeah,” Junhong says, not breaking his stride. His words are careful, well practiced, “I’m not sure if TS can give me everything that I need in the future,” he says diplomatically. 

He thinks about that as he catches his breath, his body so exhausted that helps give him a bit of clarity in the words that Junhong is saying but not saying. How has he even thought that far ahead- to know what is best for him and his future? 

What did Daehyun need for the future? 

“What about you?” Junhong asks, not even bothering to be casual. 

“I don’t know,” Daehyun says, the truth dripping from his lips as if they had heat in their words. 

  
——  


“No, Jung Daehyun,” Himchan says with a sigh in his voice, “You do not need another snapback.” 

Daehyun practically pouts at him and they have a moment where they are waging a silent war- Himchan amused look and Daehyun’s pout, before he slowly puts back the LA Lakers snapback. 

“Why did I invite you to go shopping with me again?” he asks, moving onto a colorful display of Nike’s. 

“Because you can’t do anything without me,” Himchan says easily, picking up a shoe that catches his eye, “And I have a sneaking feeling you’re going to ask me how I feel about the contract too.” 

Daehyun shouldn’t be surprised, really. Himchan has always been the most intuitive of them all, he has always had an ability to know everything that was going on between the six of them even when they were trying to keep things quiet. He had called him and Youngjae about two years before they got together. Since then, Daehyun begrudgingly respects his talent. It’s those trusting eyes paired with his god-like looks, it would give even the dumbest person the superpowers, and Himchan is anything but dumb. He was known, however, for using his powers for evil. 

“Have you even talked to Youngjae about it yet?” Himchan asks, leading them out of shoe section and into the men’s clothes. 

“No,” Daehyun admits, trailing behind him closely. Himchan stops in his tracks to turn and give him a look. 

“I’m waiting for a good time to talk,” he lies through his teeth. Himchan doesn’t comment on it despite it obviously being a falsehood. He’ll take the small blessing. 

“So,” he says, getting back to the thick of it, “What do you think of it all?” 

“Well, it’s a lot to think about, isn’t it?” Himchan says, pursing his lips before turning to a rack of ugly t-shirts and busies his hands in flicking through him. Daehyun knows him well enough to know that he isn’t seriously looking through the clothes, instead using the action to appear casual despite their conversation being anything but. Himchan chooses his next words carefully, “I’ve been mainly thinking of Yongguk.” 

His heart clenches uncomfortable and Daehyun immediately has the feeling to flee far away from his conversation. It was one thing to be wholly consumed with the issue of their contract renewal let alone to consider all of the hard work Yongguk has solely been responsible for. Their entire team was built around Yongguk and they leaned on him like the pillar of their lives and Yongguk responded to that responsibility and duty wholeheartedly, pouring his everything into them and their music until he just couldn’t anymore. 

Yongguk’s body broke down on him, mentally and physically until they were left with someone who is very much their hyung but also a ghost of the happy, prideful man he used to be, the one that used to take all of the air out of a room at his charisma who made people straighten up and pay attention to what he was saying, to what his music was saying. Stress and anxiety worn him down until there was nothing left. The thought of putting all of that pressure back onto Yongguk hurt enough to give him pain and he holds his breath against the very thought of doing so. 

And the last piece, the heart wrenching part of Himchan bringing it up is the unrequited love that Himchan has had for their leader for the past five years. Daehyun hurts at how painful it must be to watch someone you love go through all of that pain and responsibility but have to love and care for them from a far. 

“I don’t know if I can watch him wither away for another five years,” Himchan confesses in a whisper. Daehyun suddenly feels uncomfortable with the intimacy of their conversation in this public place and curses himself for his dumb idea to bring Himchan here. Himchan stands there, a shirt held tightly in his clenched fist. 

“Hyung,” Daehyun says, placing a hand on his curled fist, trying to emit as much peaceful waves as he can, “Hyung, I’m so sorry. Let’s get back to the car and head to your flat.” 

Himchan doesn’t look up, as if schooling his face into a blank slate was hard enough that he had to freeze his entire body. His heart leaps into his throat and he feels so bad for what he has done and wants to make it up to him. 

“C’mon, hyung,” Daehyun says, cajoling, pleading, “I’ll make you your favorite tea. We can order food in.” 

Himchan nods numbly and follows when Daehyun tugs on his hand. 

  
——  


Youngjae is at home when Daehyun finally shuffles in, nose in a book, curled on the couch, with a blanket tucked around him. He looks so much like home that it’s physically impossible for him to not toe off his slippers and join him. Youngjae grouses a bit at having to make room for Daehyun, even lifting his book up so Daehyun can rest his head on his chest, but that’s expected. It wouldn’t be Youngjae, wouldn’t be them without snarky comments and picking comments, but underneath it all there isn’t any heat behind their words. 

Breathing in, Daehyun smells the fresh laundered scent of Youngjae’s shirt, smiling as he lets the weight of his time with Himchan fall off of him. He doesn’t want to forget, just let it fade to the background enough to relax his weight fully against Youngjae. 

“Did you do laundry?” he asks, muffled into Youngjae’s shirt. 

“Yes,” Youngjae answers easily, dropping one hand from his good to pet his hair. 

“Did you do mine?” 

Youngjae rolls his eyes, he doesn’t even have to look up to see it, “Yes.” 

“I love you.” 

“Is that all it takes to win your love?” Youngjae asks dryly, “Fresh laundry? What would your fans do if they knew?” 

Daehyun laughs, feeling lighthearted. Youngjae has always known how to make him laugh, with his wit and smarts and sarcasm. It wasn’t for everyone, but Daehyun can barely imagine living without it. 

“I dunno, but I’d probably never have to buy laundry detergent again.” 

Humming noncommittally, Daehyun does have to lift his head enough to peek at him to see the smile Youngjae hides into his book, eyes sparkling with mirth. Daehyun gets that fuzzy feeling that warms his heart in the most welcome, familiar feeling. Something old but new in the air between them. Youngjae tilts his head, considering, eyes flicking back and forth between his own as if he is searching for something. 

He must find it because Youngjae drops his book to frame his face in his hands, playing lightly at his sideburns. Daehyun’s heart flutters out of control as he leans down and places the softest kiss against his own lips. His eyes close and he flushes at the warm and comfort he finds in Youngjae’s kiss. 

It feels so good, especially good after the emotionally exhausting past couple of weeks along the intense conversation with Himchan. But Daehyun has always trusted Youngjae, to lean on him when things are hard, to keep him safe. During their first hiatus, Daehyun wasn’t sure what he would do without Youngjae at his side and he is grateful for it everyday since it was the reason he plucked up enough courage to tell Youngjae how much he meant to him, more than a friend. 

Youngjae pulls back enough to look into his eyes for a moment, a warm molten brown that matches the happiness of his smile, before he kisses the tip of his nose. Something so innocent shouldn’t have his heart racing, but Youngjae has always been the exception. 

He is so at peace that he is practically melting in Youngjae’s arms when he asks suddenly, “How did your trip with Himchan go?” 

Daehyun winces and Youngjae says, “That good, huh?” 

“He doesn’t know if he can do another five years,” he sighs. Pausing for just a moment, he continues to say, “Doesn’t know if he can watch Yongguk suffer like this anymore.” 

Youngjae stays silent, letting his non-answer speak for him. His hands, however, don’t stop moving, carding through his hair in a practiced motion. He almost feels like he is holding his breath, waiting for Youngjae’s answer. 

“C’mon,” Youngjae says after a while, pushing his book further away and nudging him up into a sitting positions, “Let’s make some tea and talk about it.” 

Trailing into the kitchen after Youngjae, Daehyun slips onto one of the bar stools and amuses himself by watching his boyfriend pad around the kitchen. He smiles and bites the inside of his cheek to stop himself from commenting on how cozy and warm he looks, knowing it would be unappreciated. 

When he places two steaming cups in front of them and swings into the chair next to him, Youngjae squares his shoulders and looks him dead in the eye, in true form asks him bluntly, “Spill it.” 

“What?” 

“Don’t play dumb, let’s just cut straight to the main point and skip all of the humming and hawing,” Youngjae says and Daehyun loves him for it. He knows he could say anything and be without fear of judgement, no matter what indelicate thoughts or feelings that may come out because in Youngjae’s point of view, it was better to be said, dealt with, and be done with than waste the time and energy in going back and forth. 

“Yongguk,” he starts with, “I don’t think he is going to sign again. And if he did sign again, it would be because he is thinking of us and not for himself.” 

“Yes, we’ve known this for a while. Ever since Noir.” 

“I know that, I do, it’s just-” Daehyun bites off his next words, frustration nudging at him, trying to accurately put the jumble of feelings in his chest and lay them out before Youngjae in a way that he will be able to understand, “I know that. But if he leaves, and he will, I’m worried.” 

Youngjae reaches out and places a hand over his own. They share a moment as Daehyun continues to search through all of his conflicting thoughts and feelings before he prompts, “Why are you worried?” 

“Our band was built around Yongguk. He was the first member and we were all picked in how we matched within the concept that was created specifically for Yongguk’s type of music. How are we supposed to reinvent ourselves now? 10 years into our career?” He doesn't expect and answer but appreciates the squeeze Youngjae gives him. 

“And?” Youngjae asks. He lifts his head to meet Youngjae’s dark, knowing ones and he knows he has to give, that he has to take all of the dirty thoughts and feelings that have been hiding under the fear of losing their leader, losing their identity as six, and the overwhelming unseeable future to dig deep into the biggest problem. 

“What about us?” he asks in a rush, heart racing in his chest at the unpleasantness of this topic, “What if someone finds out? Maybe this should be our time to bow gracefully out and live quietly together.” 

Daehyun makes sure to look at Youngjae properly when he says, “And I could do that. I could step away from it all and live with you for the rest of my life and be happy. We would be so happy, we could even more to someplace quieter, someplace where I could take you out to the patio and kiss you under the open sky.” Daehyun’s eyes flutter closed at the thought, “I would love to do that, I’ve been dreaming about it for so long.” 

“But,” Youngjae prompts gently. 

“But,” Daehyun concedes, forcing his eyes open, “I want to keep singing.” 

A silence lapses over them and he tries not to think too much about it, knowing Youngjae just needs some time to think over the word vomit he just spewed in a true, fast-paced Daehyun-style, but his heart is pounding in his ears now that the truth is out and he waits for the answer. 

“I’ve been thinking along the same,” Youngjae says and a breath whooshes out of him in relief, “If anyone understands the way you feel about singing,” his face gets soft and his heart skips a beat when he reaches out to touch his cheeks, “and the way you feel about this relationship, it’s me.” 

“Yeah,” Daehyun says, feeling a bit tired and wobbly, sliding off his stool to get into Youngjae’s space. He opens his legs for him to step easily in-between them, wrapping his arms around his waist to bring him even closer together. 

“And,” Youngjae says, face buried in the front of his t-shirt, “I don’t know what I would do if I had to watch you go through a time like before our hiatus again.” 

“So what are we going to do?” Daehyun asks in a whisper, carefully sidestepping the emotion rollercoaster of how sick he was, how their company pushed him and pushed him until he couldn’t anymore. There was only so much they could deal with at once. And that is a wound that will never truly heal. 

“I don’t know,” Youngjae admits, “but whatever happens, we will do it together." 

  
—— 

Daehyun stares numbly at the floor. Disbelief nipping at him in a constant painful reminder that this was actually happening. It was finally here. He’s been expecting this for a while now, but it didn't make it any less painful. Didn't stop his heart feel like it was trying to forcibly tear itself from his chest to show the world how broken and bleeding it is. 

"I can't do this anymore," Yongguk confesses first, deep voice breaking as he closes his eyes and takes a breath, trying to put a clamp back onto his emotions, to be the strong and steadfast leader he thinks they all need, "It's too hard." 

It's always been hard. Nothing seems to work for them, hasn't from the very start. They’ve fought ever possible war an idol group can get in together and come out broken and bleeding on the otherside. 

And if it was hard on them, as their leader, the pillar that they built their band around, he can’t even fathom the amount of duty and responsibility that laid on Yongguk’s shoulders. 

He vaguely hears the others speaking up- Junhong, Himchan, Jongup all confirming their choice to leave. “So is this it?” Daehyun finally finds the courage to say, trying to not let his voice shake, “Are we done?” 

Youngjae reaches over to him, grabbing his hand tightly, giving him something to focus on something rather than impending future and an overwhelming sense of disappointment. 

“Yes,” Yongguk says, taking a breath as if he knows this is his last decision as leader, “This is it.” 

And despite the sadness of this moment, their mutual decision to break everything off, Daehyun can’t help but to think about how they were happy once. Young and dying their hair the same bright shade of blonde and so very excited about their music. They had dreams and drive and were chasing their future. And they never lost that, just little by little, day by day enough changed until they were all on separate pages. 

“I’ll never be ashamed to be apart of this group,” Junhong suddenly speaks up, shifting in his chair and playing with his hands, all eyes on him, “Even when I move on to another company and a different path, I will always be a proud member of B.A.P.” 

And with those simple words, a lightness in the air appears between them. Himchan smiles at their maknae, leaning over to cuff him on the shoulder in a friendly gesture. 

“We can’t see this as the end because it’s not,” Youngjae pipes in beside him. Daehyun blinks at him, surprised when he turns to smile at him, sadly but fondly, “Let’s see this as an opportunity to be happier.” 

“Yes,” Yongguk says, turning to smile at Jongup, gesturing at their coffee cups, “Let’s make a toast.” 

Jongup brushes the tears from his eyelashes and nods, grabbing his cup and raising it between them, “To our future. To happiness.” 

  
——  


Despite Youngjae wanting nothing to do with needles or tattoos, he still manages to convince him to come to his appointment with him. In between the snark comments and the disparaging comments about the tattoo parlor, Daehyun catches Youngjae watching him with his warm, molten eyes and when he has his arm stretched out during the tattoo, he comes over to pet and reassure him. 

“There,” the artist says after a time that feels both too long and too short, she wipes her forehead with the back of her arm and scooting back, “Give me a moment and I’ll clean it up.” 

It takes just a few minutes to clean and then he is standing in front of their mirror, both of his wrists turned outward. 

His right wrist is sporting a fresh layer of ink, making his HOLD shine in a way it hasn’t for years. On his left, in the same dark, bold letters of permanent ink reads HAPPY. He grins at them, thrilled with the result. Hold for his band, his family, and of the hardships he faced in the past and happy representing Youngjae and the limitless future. 

Youngjae steps up behind him to peer over his shoulder at his tattoos, hooking his chin to grin at him when he says, “Very nice. Very badass, Yongguk would approve.” 

Daehyun rolls his eyes and is thankful when the artist leaves the room to grab something, slipping fingers into Youngjae’s belt loops to pull him closer. He teases, hovering a few centimeters separating their lips, biting his bottom lip and looking up at him through his eyelashes before Youngjae loses his patience and grabs his chin to tilt him into the perfect kiss. 

“To our future,” Youngjae says, leaning back with kiss-bruised lips that he is far too distracted by. 

Daehyun intertwines their hands and brings up their interlocked fingers to brush a kiss against their knuckles, “To our happiness.” 

  
——  


**Author's Note:**

> This fic was written for K-Pop Olymfics 2017. Olymfics is a challenge in which participants write fics based on prompt sets and compete against other teams of writers, organized by genre.
> 
> Competition winners are chosen by the reads, so please rate this fic using [this survey! ](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1y7a2ru9KYUdowa-j39npFO0jfs8sQYgvteKt-P8qc-8/viewform?edit_requested=true)
> 
> Please forgive any mistakes or errors. This is my second pinch hit this week but this is something I've been dying to write for a while. Definitely feels incomplete. I would love to come back and fix this the way it is supposed to be.


End file.
